Appraiser sees Antique, has Orgasm


GREENSBORO – Antique Roadshow appraiser Harry Steenbern received a special
treat at last Wednesday’s filming of the popular series when after realizing an
artifact was authentic he immediately shot a load in his pants.

Steenbern took one look at the 1925 Harriet Frishmuth
sculpture and instantly got a huge stiffy. When he deduced the name of the item
was “Crest of the Wave”, the intensity of his ecstasy heightened. “At the
moment that I discovered the Gorham foundry mark, I couldn’t hold back any
longer. I lost all control and let loose.”

Although nobody was harmed in the incident, several
bystanders lodged complaints with producers of the show, claiming Steenbern
displayed disregard for decency since there were children present. When Steenbern
lost control of his man-chowder, he dropped Frishmuth sculpture onto an oil
painting by Ralph Hedley previously appraised by him at nearly $40,000 and bumped uncontrollably into a Black
suffragette clockwork toy valued by him at nearly $8,000. 

Chelsea Farnsworth, owner of the sculpture, weighed in. “I was
really excited myself when I discovered the sculpture was valuable, but I
certainly wasn’t prepared for the appraiser when he blew his goo.”