Black Man Excited His Character Not Dead Yet

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HOLLYWOOD, Ca. –
Local black actor Terrence Johnson could barely hide his enthusiasm at the premiere
of the movie
The Blood Letting after discovering his character, Philip, was
still alive an hour into the film. “I can’ believe it! This is so fantastic! My
character is still breathing!”

After being called in for re-shoots, Johnson was sure that
the director had reedited the movie and offed his character in one of the early
scenes. After watching the Latino character Maria get mangled by a runaway John
Deere lawnmower, the Asian character Xang get run over by a steamroller after
being stung by a swarm of bees and the Arab character Mohammed get diced by a
meat grinder and put through a wood-chipper, Johnson couldn’t believe his
character was still standing.

“Brothers are usually the first to go. This is a triumph of
the human spirit. I’m flooded with such emotion, I can barely contain myself. This
must be what it felt like when Halle Berry
won the Oscar.” When asked if his character does eventually get killed in the
movie, Johnson responded, “Oh sure. He gets decapitated by a chainsaw and
thrown off a cliff.” According to the producers of The Blood Letting, the only characters
to survive to the end are hot white chick, Samantha, and the handsome white lead, Jake.