STOCKTON, Ca. – Edward McFarlane, a twenty-three year old Conoco gas station attendant, has found himself at a life-changing crossroads, having to quickly decide whether or not to add Hollywood actor Jamie Kennedy as a friend on MySpace.com. After surfing through several dozen MySpace profiles of hot bikini-clad women, McFarlane saw the link for Jamie Kennedy in the friends section of Jenna Jameson’s site. He quickly surmised that being friends with Kennedy, star of Malibu’s Most Wanted, would be a seminal turning point in his life.
Although McFarlane is confident in his own qualities as a friend, he isn’t so certain about Kennedy’s qualifications or loyalty. “It’s a big commitment on my part, and an incredibly difficult decision. Do I really want to add Jamie as a friend? Will he be there for me like a true friend? Will he provide a shoulder to cry on in times of trouble? Spend late nights on the phone talking about a breakup? Is he going to help me with my boxes when I move to Oakwood Apartments next week? Or is he going to find an excuse like all my other deadbeat ‘friends’. Jerks.”
Indeed, being challenged with this incomprehensibly monumental choice has forced McFarlane to question the entire fabric of his existence. It has made him question the very nature of friendship in these complicated times. Being from completely different worlds, he is uncertain about whether Kennedy will accept him for who he truly is. “I want to believe Jamie will live up to his side of the bargain. As Nietzsche said, ‘What else is love but understanding and rejoicing in the fact that another person lives, acts, and experiences otherwise than we do?’" said McFarlane as he typed in the random letters and numbers in the verification section. “Now we’re forever bonded together. I’ll be there for you, Jamie. Don’t let me down. It’s too important.”