In a move designed to help recover dwindling attendance
after recent controversies, the Episcopalian Church has decided to introduce Casual Good Fridays to increase attendance. Good Friday, a remembrance of the
crucifixion of Jesus Christ at Cavalry, has been seen by many as a
disheartening event due to its dire subject matter. By encouraging casual
clothing and informal attire, the Church hopes to spice up the event and add
some excitement to an otherwise drab affair.
“Good Friday is such an ironic name. I mean, it’s the day we
commemorate our Lord and Savior getting nailed alive to a giant cross and left
to bleed to death. It’s so depressing. Hopefully this will spice up the
festivities a bit. With a more casual halter top or just the right jean skirt,
we can give Christ’s brutal and bloody slaying a feeling of a celebration,” said Bishop
Katharine Schori. Schori added that she plans to take off that "dumbass white strap" and give the Good Friday sermon
wearing a ruby red stretch silk charmeuse top with relaxed cropped cargo pants.
Traditionally, Episcopalian congregations’ fashion taste for
Good Friday services range from dismal, gloomy suits for men to conservative,
bland dresses for the women. This year anticipation for Good Friday is swelling
exponentially due to the fact that church members are free to wear sexy cami
and shrug tops, print t-shirts, tight fitting denim jeans, miniskirts, muscle
shirts, baggy pants, strapless cocktail dresses and babydoll corsets.
“I never look forward to these services,” declared 42 year
old Frank Berardi. “I hate wearing the acceptable attire. Makes me look like a
mortician. I’m really excited this year for Good Friday, because I’m gonna wear
my favorite bright pink and yellow Hawaiian shirt with the sexy Bermuda shorts
my wife picked up for me in Cabo. Sweet!”
Other additions to existing Good Friday fashion traditions have
been embraced and others have caused skepticism among fashion and Christian
ranks alike. Although the red carpet outside every church foyer has been widely
accepted, some have complained that the flashing photographers are distracting and
have already been dubbed the Pope-arazzi. “Despite some cynicism from the
public, this is truly exciting. I hear some of our Good Friday churchgoers may
even make Mr. Blackwell’s list this year!” said Schori.
Some parishioners are concerned that a few may take the
Casual Good Friday invitation too far. Church leaders are pleading with members
to avoid taking the casual too far. “We want you to be as comfortable as
possible in the pews while celebrating the murder of Jesus by the Jews. But you
cannot praise the Lord in a thong bikini or Speedo,” scolded Schori. "The pews are not built for that and you will chafe. Now please open to Hymn 542, I’m Too Sexy."