HOLLYWOOD, Calif. – After being set up on a blind date with one of the famous Baldwin brother actors, local barfly and aspiring actress Christine Manchenko quickly realized he wasn’t the Baldwin she had thought. Manchenko was picked up in a run down Ford pickup with no back window, and she became suspicious of the Baldwin brother after not being able to place him in any of the movies she had seen recently.
“I love the Baldwins, but I wasn’t sure who this one was at all. It definitely wasn’t Billy Baldwin. That’s who I was hoping for. He was so unbelievably hot in Backdraft. And the guy was like way too old to be Stephen. I’ll take him circa Biodome anyday of the week. He did kinda look like Alec. Like a fat, retarded version of Alec. Plus, he smelled like cheap booze and hookers. Nasty.” Manchenko cut the blind date short as soon as she could, after the unidentified Baldwin brother pulled up to a sleazy bowling alley, burped while scratching himself and muttered indecipherable obscenities under his breath.
Experts believe that the suspected Baldwin brother was, in fact, the lesser known Daniel Baldwin. However, there is some speculation that a mystery Baldwin previously unknown to the public eye has emerged from the underground. Sources wishing to remain anonymous speculate that this Baldwin brother was somehow deformed or unwanted, and was raised in secret while being chained in a hidden chamber somewhere deep in the basement of the Baldwin compound.
No Baldwin returned calls for comment on this developing story. Also unavailable for comment was the original friend that set Ms. Manchenko up on the blind date. “I’m beginning to think she’s sort of a bitch. I’m seriously thinking about canceling the date she set me up with next weekend with one of the Wayans brothers,” said Manchenko.