Home Schooled Child Bullied By Parents

NEW JERSEY –
In his second year of being home schooled, twelve
year old Matthew Hutchings has become bewildered by his parents, who in
addition to teaching him geography and chemistry, have also taken turns relentlessly
taunting and bullying him. “I don’t get it. Dad gives me money for lunch, then
when I go out to the backyard he pushes me around and demands I give the money
to him or he’ll punch me,” said a confused Matthew.

Between lectures on Pythagoras and discussions about early
American history, Mr. and Mrs. Hutchings have implemented techniques they claim
replicate the normal interaction their son would be having at school with
bullies his age. They cited studies showing the degeneration of quality in
public schools as reason to take over their child’s education as well as his bullying
needs. Matthew has proven to be a bit bemused, and it has taken some getting used to. “Dad gave me a Wet-Willy and Mom
called me a Four-Eyed Fag. But she bought me those glasses.”


“Matthew’s resisting a bit, but we know what we’re doing,”
said Mrs. Hutchings. “We want to give our child a well-rounded, comprehensive
educational experience. That means not only covering the broad spectrum of reading, writing,
and arithmetic, but it also means giving him daily wedgies and de-pantsing him constantly
during gym class. Otherwise, we’re not doing our job.”

An unapologetic Mrs. Hutchings then finished giving Matthew
his Swirlie by jamming his head back into the toilet and violently flushing.
“Who’s your daddy, huh? Who’s your daddy now, bitch! Now go finish your essay
on Vasco De Gama, sweetiepie.”