Local Man Smells Like Strippers

Str2
ST
PAUL, Minn. – After briefly hanging out with several coworkers at Wet Willy’s,
a local topless bar just outside downtown St. Paul, thirty eight year old
Sheldon Bonsworth realized he would have a hard time explaining to his wife why
he smelled like strippers.

“I
just wanted to wind down after a long day’s work,” said Bonsworth. “Now I reek
of watered down liquor and pole dancer sweat. Sharon’s
gonna be so pissed.”

Several
male coworkers from the Shigby & Wells accounting firm joined him at the
edge of the stage, savoring the slender, naked dancers writhing and wiggling for
at least 45 minutes. “Sheldon didn’t seem too concerned while Kayla was shoving
her shapely ass cheeks in his face for dollar bills.”

The
realization of his predicament materialized after Kayla, a buxom brunette,
offered him a third lap-dance. A noticeably tipsy Bonsworth became visibly
alarmed, mumbled something about “the aroma of ho’s” and immediately dashed out
the back door.

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“This
sucks. I couldn’t get this stench off of me with a fire hose and a barrel full
of lime.” Bonsworth described the distinct odor associated with strippers was
as “a combination of Victoria’s Secret lotions, thongs and fragrant crotch-rot.”

Although
no permanent solutions to the pungent stripper scent have been discovered, scientists
recommend a thorough and extended soaking in a bathtub full of tomato juice, a
home remedy similar to that applied after being sprayed by a skunk.

Bonsworth faced the same dilemma last June after colleagues entertained clients at Wet
Willy’s
. After arriving home nearly
three hours late with lipstick smudges on his collar and glitter stuck in his
eyebrows, his wife made him sleep on the couch for a week.

One thought on “Local Man Smells Like Strippers

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