Polygamist Lobbies to Outlaw Polygamy

UTAH – Local polygamist
Graham Stoddard has had enough, and is lobbying the local police force to finally
enforce legislation on the books outlawing his chosen lifestyle. “There is no
justification for my immoral way of life. Plus, every bone in my body is in
constant, searing pain,” opined a visibly haggard Stoddard from a bunker in his
extensive compound 67 miles south-southwest of Salt Lake City. With a total of 12 wives and 72 children, the years of constant polygamy may have finally caught up to the beleaguered and exhausted husband, who is barely able to walk or get out of bed. "This needs to stop. At first I thought this life would be fun and exciting. Now I just want to die. Please, please, please could somebody just come and put me out of my misery?"