Study: Country Music Prompts Teens to Play Banjo at Earlier Age

A controversial new study has concluded that too much exposure to
country music leads young teenagers to pick up banjo at an
inappropriately early age. Whether it’s country, southern, Nashville, or bluegrass, the Appalachian
music teens listen to include banjo hooks, solos and
background work. Researchers contend that teens who listen regularly to
country music are three times more likely to begin banjo plucking
during adolescence than teens who listen to other musical genres like nu metal and hardcore gangsta rap.

“Teens who listen to tons of
country are receiving mixed messages. They are being told that at their age, banjo playing is not only
acceptable, but expected,” said Dr. John Faniani, research
fellow at the Institute for Moral Musicianship. “Instead of listening to music that encourages them to explore their
bodies and discover their sexual identities, these kids are locking
themselves in the bathroom and practicing six-string zither banjos.
It’s not appropriate for them to be into arpeggiating with their right hand at age 14. It’s shocking, really.”

Although banjo influenced music has been around for over a century, the influence of lascivious banjo entrepreneurs
like Jimmy Driftwood and David ‘Stringbean’ Akeman on today’s teens is
a growing concern. A resurgence in banjo-related obsessions in younger
demographics may be attributed to popular country stars of today like
Keith Urban, who peddle crossover instruments like the ‘banjitar‘ in their raunchy, banjo-riddled music.

Clinical psychologist Dr. Terrence Finkle agreed parents should be
worried. He noted that the average teen’s brain goes through a rapid
transformation during adolescence, and excessive banjo-ing during that time could have dire effects. “Children’s
interest in adult-oriented activities like banjo playing are directly
attributable to the music they’re listening to. Parents need to
moderate the kinds of music they let their kids download onto their
ipod. What are they doing listening to Earl Scruggs Foggy Mountain Breakdown anyway, when kids should be listening to stuff their peers are into, like Back That Ass Up and My Humps?”

Added Dr. Finkle, “Oh, those lovely lady lumps.”

One thought on “Study: Country Music Prompts Teens to Play Banjo at Earlier Age

  1. This is scary stuff! I was counting on rap and hip hop would lead America’s youth into the future. Word up. . . Our young homies and ho’s should be chasing ass, not playing bluegrass.

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