World Series of Strip Poker Found Disgusting

LAS VEGAS, Nev. -In a failed attempt to cash in on the recent popularity of Texas Hold Em’
Poker tournaments, ESPN admitted they had miscalculated the demand to see the
world’s best players vie in a World Series of Strip Poker. “We wanted credibility,
so we hired only the top players in the world for the game. But we forget to
consider how truly ugly and disgusting the great poker players actually are,” said
ESPN programming vice president Charles Bender.

Promoters neglected to consider the fact that most of today’s renowned poker players make a living by sitting on their asses indoors drinking
and eating for extended periods of time. This has led them to develop poor
hygiene, pock marks and excessive flabbiness. “I love Texas Hold Em’,” said local
poker enthusiast Tina Flanagan, “But most of the guys who play the game make Keith
Richards look like Brad Pitt. I’d rather see a three legged puppy hump a dead
monkey than watch those guys strip down to their birthday suits. Yuck.”

Nielsen ratings tracked the downward spiral of the World
Series of Strip Poker telecast, revealing that viewership slipped after Huck
Seed’s straight flush forced a befuddled Johnny Chan to reveal the lacy pink
thong he wore under his shorts. The telecast lost nearly all its viewers after
perennial poker legend Doyle Brunsen had to slip off the collared t-shirt he wore,
exposing his saggy, mole-infested man tits. After an ace failed to show on the
river, the sight of Phil Hellmuth’s shriveled, pale nutsack caused many in the
tournament audience to vomit explosively.

ESPN had hoped Jennifer Tilly, the voluptuous actress and a legitimate female
poker champion, would agree to appear in the strip poker
tournament. But talks deteriorated after she scoffed at the channel’s initial courtship. “If you think I want to be in the
room while a bunch of pasty old fat men expose the junk in their trunk, you’re
kidding yourself,” replied Tilly.